Look Ahead
by illdrownwiththisship
Summary: A stranger comes to New York and brings back a lot of memories for Amanda. Olivia finally realizes how unwelcoming she has been towards Amaro and especially Rollins. She's ready to make things up, but is Amanda willing to forget it that easily? Suck at summaries, give it a chance anyway? Eventual [Rolivia]
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, so I'm back with another story. I've been struck by a major writing block and for me writing something else helps. So hence the new fanfic! Let me know what you guys think. Chapter 2 is ready so, if I get enough response to this I'll update quickly. Sorry for any mistakes! **

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 1**

The smell of stale beer and smoke invades my senses as I walk into the Irish pub. There are a couple of people seated at the bar, and only two tables are occupied. I'm early, and no one has showed up yet. After the case we closed this week, we all decided to celebrate but not after going home first and take some time to ourselves. My house really isn't my home, so a shower was all the time I needed for myself. I sit down in a booth and order red wine. The case had been tough, but luckily it was an easy solve. The woman had been raped after a night out and later told us she had felt like she was being watched for a couple of weeks. After some digging in her past we found an ex-boyfriend with some obsessive tendencies. We tracked him down and not long after that he confessed, saying that he'd never gotten the chance to sleep with her, and claimed that that was in his right since they were boyfriend and girlfriend back in the day. I shake my head to myself, after all these years it still amazes me how people's minds work. I've spent many a night thinking about this, trying to analyze where their behavior comes from. Why they do, what they do, and if they just make stuff up to cover up for the fact that they are cold blooded murders or if they actually believe their own reasoning for killing, raping, and beating people. It's a question I'll never know the answer too and quite frankly, maybe I don't want to know the answer too. The waitress walks over to my table, with my red wine in her hand. "Can I get you anything else, ma'am?" She smiles down at me. I look up and force a smile myself. Her accent reminds me of Amanda's.

"No thank you," I look at her name tag, "Kate, I'm good for now." She nods while walking away and leaves me alone to my thoughts again. How I hate being alone with the images that go through my mind. I hear the little ding of a bell going off and look at the door. There they are. Nick and Fin smile as they make their way over to my table, Amanda stays behind and walks straight to the bar. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, that's strange. I see her impatiently tap her fingers on the bar, as if she's waiting for something, or someone. "Liv," Nick's voice pulling my attention to him as he nods his head in a greeting and Fin winks at me. "Hey," I smile at them. I feel a sense of comfort falling over me now that they are here. They understand what it's like, what goes through my head, what cases get me most, they understand me. They deal with the same thing. They settle down and start talking about their little time they had to themselves. I hear Nick talking about his daughter and Fin talks about his favorite TV show but my subconscious is paying more attention to my only female colleague than anything else. I can see her talking to someone, but can't get a clear view to see who it is. Amanda's eyes are wide and her fists are bald, laid down on the counter. She's leaning in close, speaking through her teeth, trying hard not to raise her voice. But I can see it in her eyes, the fear. Finally the people who are blocking my view move out of the way. She's talking to the waitress, who seems to get a kick out of Amanda's growing anger. I have this feeling in my gut that something is wrong here, I have a feeling that I need to step in but something is holding me back. I've always had these walls up when it comes to Amanda. Always felt afraid to get too close. Ever since the first time we've met I've always been cold with her, never really showing how much I care. And I care, a lot. Silently from a distance. Not anymore though.

I stand up from the booth, "I'm going to get us something to drink, the usual?" I ask the guys. They both nod, a little surprised by my sudden movement. I walk away from the table and towards the bar where Amanda's anger has turned into seething. She's no longer talking through her teeth, no longer are her hands bald on the countertop. She's talking, but it's still not hearable over the music that plays. She's gesturing with her hands and she's standing fully upright now. The closer I get the worse the energy become, and it always makes _me_ mad. Finally I reach her, as soon as she notices me she puts a smile on her face.

"Hey, Liv, I was about to meet you guys at the table. I was just orderin' some drinks." I can still see the rage in her eyes. I raise one of my eyebrow making it clear that I don't buy her crap.

"Really, well, isn't that a convenience, I was just about to order some drinks myself." I turn towards Kate, who seems amused at all of it. The fact that Amanda is out raged and now hiding it, and the fact that I made it clear I don't believe a word of what she just said. "Kate, can I get another red wine, and two beers?" She laughs, which pisses me off. "Something funny?" I bend over the bar, trying to get closer as I stare her dead in her eyes. She swallows her laugh away and her eyes show fear, intimidated by me. It always works, on any perp, on anyone. She shakes her head and moves to the other side of the bar to get the drinks. I turn towards the blonde detective. "What was that about?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she replies quickly.

"Don't play dumb with me, 'Manda," I cross my arms in front of my body.

"It's nothing, Benson, just forget about it," she brushes a hand through her slightly wavy hair, clearly uncomfortable.

"Fine, what do you want?" I turn away from her, towards the bar. Watching Kate walk back over to us.

"Huh?" I hear her softly, confused.

"To drink? What do you want to drink?" I still can't look at her, annoyance taking the best of me. I really loath people not being straight forward with me.

"Oh, I'll have a white wine," She is now the one to cross her arms in front of her, her head down. Either not willing to look at me or afraid of being confronted by Kate again. The waitress places the drinks in front of me, I grab those and order Amanda's white wine. I turn away, leaving Amanda behind.

I sit down, and hand the boys their drinks. I look back and see Amanda making her way over to us. She catches me staring at her and quickly adverts her eyes to the guys. "Hey guys," she smiles before scooting in the only available space, next to me. She lets out a sigh and starts to relax. I keep looking at her, wondering what the hell is going on, she turns to me, her voice low and the boys too busy to hear what she has to say, "Hey, uhm, thanks…"

"For what?" I said, not giving in that easy.

"For interrupting us back there," She nods towards the bar and Kate.

"I didn't know I was interrupting anything," I raise an eyebrow. She just smiles. Knowing exactly what I'm doing.

"Well, thanks anyway," She says while looking down at her hands that are cupping her wine glass like it's her lifeline.

"You're welcome, I guess," I look away and take a sip of my wine. Fin looks at us and raises his glass.

"To yet another case solved," We all raise our glasses with him. And before we take another sip, Amanda and I look at each other, both having questions that are yet to be answered


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys, **

**I gotta say; i'm surprised with the amount of reviews, follows, and favorites this story has gotten! Thank you so much! :) I also like the fact that our ship seems to be growing. There's not a whole lot of Rollivia fanfiction out there and in my opinion that's a shame cause they've got such an amazing dynamic going on and I CAN'T WAIT for next weeks episode where everything is going to change! I hope you'll enjoy this next chapter and let me know what you think! :) **

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We've been talking and drinking for a good three hours now. I promised my team that they wouldn't have to come in early the next morning, so we are all taking advantage of the opportunity. Amanda had went over to the bar a couple of times, and every time she had tried not to get angry again. She was trying hard to hide how she really felt, but the more she drank, the more she failed. She was about to get up again but I stopped her with my hand on her elbow, "let me," She almost seemed relieved that she didn't have to go. She moved out of the booth, let me out, and scooted over to spot where I was just seated. "I'll be right back," She smiled at me and mouthed "thank you."

I wait at the bar for Kate, the waitress, to come over and take my order. She spots me and seems to proceed with caution, "The same?" She asks me. I nod and she takes off, before I can say anything else. I open my wallet and take out a 20 dollar bill. She comes back with the drinks and puts them on the counter.

"So what's the deal with you and Amanda?" I ask her bluntly, my curiosity getting the best of me. She seems surprised.

"Oh, uhm, no offense but I don't think that's any of your business." She says it in a way that doesn't feel offensive but I still want to know the answer.

"Listen here, she's my friend, my partner on the job and you clearly pissed her off," I lean in a little closer, "and I don't like it," I tilt my head to the side, "at all."

She swallows hard, "I'm sorry," she speaks again, shuffling on her feet, "I know her from back in Atlanta, we used to be, uhm, close… We parted ways on bad terms and I guess she just didn't expect me to be here. You know, her turf." I lean back a little, at least I got something and for now, it'll do. I need to know one more thing though,

"Is she the reason you came to New York? To piss her off?" I raise my eyebrows. I can see her think about what her answer is going to be. She has two option, like anyone else in the world. To lie or to tell the truth.

"Partially." I guess she decided on the truth.

"Well, if you're trying to rekindle your friendship," I notice a smirk on her face, "Than I would say you're getting off to a wrong start." I can feel a hand on my shoulder and realize Amanda was standing beside me.

"Need some help?" She asks me, eyeing Kate the whole time.

"Yeah, here," I hand her two drinks, "I got these," pointing to the two i'm holding in my hand. Before I turn around, I glare at Kate, as a warning; Don't hurt the people I care about. Amanda doesn't ask and seems to shut down more after we return to the booth.

After another round of shots, and when Amaro starts dancing I find it's time to call it a night. I look over at Amanda who is still staring at her drink, just like she had every time before. I nudge her gently with my elbow and she looks up, faking a smile.

"I'm about to head out," I point my thumb over my shoulder, signaling to the door, "I'm sorry if she ruined your night off," I really do feel sorry. This was supposed to be a relaxed night out. Laughter, and funny stories, and all to keep our minds off of our jobs. Instead, whatever it was she had going on with the waitress, added to the stress.

"Yeah, not your fault though," a more genuine smile comes through and I pet her on the shoulder, "I'll go too, want me to walk you home?" I nod and I make my way out of the booth. Put on my jacket and walk over towards the bar. Kate walks over to me, more confident than before.

"The same?" She asks and I shake my head.

"No, here," I hand her another 20 dollar bill, "for the guys." She smiles. I tap the bar before turning around, looking for Amanda, who's waiting for me at the door. She opens the door for me and I turn around to look at the waitress once more, noticing the jealous glare that follows me and Amanda out of the pub.

We step into the cold, wet weather of New York, both hugging ourselves trying to stay as warm as possible. I can't seem to shake the questions running through my mind, who's this Kate girl, and why does she seem to affect Amanda so much. She told me, when Amanda just started at SVU, that something happened to her on the job but it wasn't worth pursuing. I wonder if Kate and that have anything to do with each other.

"So what's up with Kate and you? Old friend?" I look at her, slowing down my pace just a tiny bit, catching her eyes as she looks over to me. She nods her head,

"Yeah, something like that." She stares back at the ground in front of her. I do the same thing.

"What'd she do to piss you off?" She laughs softly. I don't understand what's funny but it might just be the way she deals with the memories.

"It's a long story, Olivia, and it happened a long time ago." She speaks softly, but hearable. I can feel her eyes on me again and I turn towards her, grabbing her by her elbow to make her stop walking.

"Obviously it's still bothering you, a lot, I'm just… Maybe you need a friend, okay? Maybe you can talk to me?" I'm pleading, begging her to talk to me. To let me in. I can see the shock in her eyes, and she swallows.

"Liv, you never cared before, why now?" That hurts, it stings, and it burns but she's right. I let my head hang down in shame. What was I thinking? "Hey, listen, that wasn't meant to hurt you. It's just confusing. Whenever I needed you as the only woman on our team, or just as someone who's supposed to have my back you weren't there." Her voice raises. "And now I'm pissed at… at… someone and you want me to talk to you!?" Her anger definitely at the forefront now, she scuffs and looks back down to the pavement again, her fists balding for me this time, not Kate. I just stand there, I can't be offended by what she just said because it's true.

"Amanda…" I start but she cuts me off,

"No, Liv, it's alright… Really, it doesn't matter," I shake my head, her fists relax.

"It does, Amanda, it does." I put my hands on her shoulders and try to look into her eyes.

"I'm so, so, sorry for treating you the way I did. I can make up a million excuses as to why I did what I did, or why I said what I said but that won't make any of it right. It won't make it right, for you. And I want to do something right, for you, this time. I've been a bitch, I've been unsupportive and I promise, from the bottom of my heart, that that's going to change. I… I care about you, I really do." She laughs, like she doesn't believe what I'm saying, "I'm being serious, Amanda…" I don't know what else to say.

"I know you are, Olivia, I just… I can't really believe what I'm hearing. This has been the most open you've been with me since I started on this squad. What's changed?" I can see her eyes tearing up.

"I did, I changed, I… After a long time, I finally feel like myself again. So much changed and I just couldn't keep up with it, I… I don't want to make excuses but I changed." A single tear now rolls down her cheek, and the cold sensation on mine tells me that I'm crying too. She just looks at me for a moment and then takes a step forward. I can feel her breath on my skin,

"You want to be my friend?" She asks softly, I nod. "Then earn it… Earn my friendship."

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